oh the blog, I started one right?

Well, yes I did start one. Then promptly gave it up/forgot about it for a month.

And then what do you know, I’m the business end of the TWW (10dpo) and my mind is going stir crazy again so I dust down the old blog for some much needed venting space. At this rate blog land, you’ll be lucky to find a blog a month on here as the TWW seems to be the only time I can focus on it / need to let it all out. One positive is that I seem to be able to cope for the rest of the month. I would say in general my stress levels have gone down at the moment. I think I am certainly accepting of the fact that we are mid waiting for results/appointments as part of our IF investigations and as such it’s sort of out of my hands. We are still actively trying every month for a natural conception but I’ve come a long way in my thinking and now much more convinced we will need some assisted conception of some kind to get us there.

So where does that leave this TWW?

Still going to the loo every 20 mins or so to check for spotting – tick.

Logging into fertility friend to check this cycle vs the 16 others – tick

Pointless googling of things like – ‘I finally got pregnant after *16* months of trying’ – tick

Fantasising about a positive this month – how I’ll tell hubby, my mum, work – tick

And on that note, I better go to the loo again, it’s been at least 21 mins since I last checked!

why are we waiting…

My first blog post.

For so long I felt like starting an infertility blog would somehow admitting defeat. Like ‘i’m not a real infertile’ ‘soon this nightmare will be over and I don’t want to waste time writing pointless posts moaning’. But more time has passed, like sanding through my fingers the days are slipping by and I am still stuck in the not pregnant at all gang.

Plus in that time, I’ve read a LOT of infertility blogs, I’ve got my favourites, ones that I’ve followed through the best of times and the worst of times and I always feel somehow uplifted after reading someones journey and their very personal perspective that is in tune with where I am it. The blogs I seem to enjoy the most are the ones written solely for venting/releasing. They might not be the most journalistic of pieces but they aren’t supposed to be. A stream of consciousness on the page that helps that person move through their very worst and lowest moments, the waiting, the pains and the good news too.

I guess that is my aim. Use this blog as personal therapy, somehow putting it all down on a page and letting it go into the world is some sort of release (what does that say about us in this modern world and our need to ‘share’?).

Welcome however you might have found me. My world is bitter and twisted at the moment but underneath the sadness I really am a positive perky person.